At this point I've had all the chemotherapy, radiation and surgery my body will handle. We've tried every chemotherapy and procedure, leaving no rock unturned. The procedure aimed at reducing the bleeding in my belly was successful but short lived; however, the filter to prevent clots from traveling to my lungs works perfectly but does very little to my overall condition.
I've been sustained by blood and platelet infusions; however, each infusion buys me less and less time. We've switched to a purely palliative treatment plan and eliminated all non-essential medicines, transfusions, blood tests and scans. My oncology team sat my family down and described my prognosis in terms of days.
It's the worst thing one could expect to hear about themselves, not to mention a wife about their husband, a father and mother about their son, etc.
I have elected to spend my final days at MGH, close to my doctors who have treated me so well throughout this terrible disease. I always knew this day would one day come, just never knew when or how fast. But I've been prepared.
For some time I've come to terms with my illness and what it would one day bring. There's a certain amount of pride and dignity I carry with no regrets: I grew up in supportive family that never struggled with wants or needs; I was given and took advantage of every educational obstacle I could handle; I successfully launched myself into a great career; and I found my beautiful soulmate and angel to be my wife and start a family and life.
Autumn and I are at the top of our game: beautiful family (especially Benson who has become somewhat of a local celebrity); supportive parents, siblings, aunts and uncles; promising career paths; and financially stable without wants or needs. It all makes me so happy. I couldn't ask for more. I couldn't be more proud.
And so there you have it! Ever since I started straight catheterizing myself I switched to big boy pull up underwear (really just for cleanup and sanitation reasons); however today I was down-classed to traditional diapers so I didn't want to sit on this blog posting too long. People have been pouring in with visits and calls, which are all encouraged, no need to ask, even just for a handshake or a snug hug.
I'm not sure if this is my last posting but if it is I want to thank everyone who has helped me along the way, everyone who has become inspired to make a difference, and everyone who has changed their own lives to better take advantage of life's little opportunities and tiny miracles. It's not a goodbye but more of a see you later. It's truly been an honor and a privilege.
I just ask in return that everyone keeps on fighting to find a cure. Continue fundraising and continue to "breathe in hope, breathe out love."