Saturday, June 4, 2011

No More Cords, Procedures or Tests

At this point I've had all the chemotherapy, radiation and surgery my body will handle.  We've tried every chemotherapy and procedure, leaving no rock unturned. The procedure aimed at reducing the bleeding in my belly was successful but short lived; however, the filter to prevent clots from traveling to my lungs works perfectly but does very little to my overall condition.

I've been sustained by blood and platelet infusions; however, each infusion buys me less and less time.  We've switched to a purely palliative treatment plan and eliminated all non-essential medicines, transfusions, blood tests and scans.  My oncology team sat my family down and described my prognosis in terms of days.

It's the worst thing one could expect to hear about themselves, not to mention a wife about their husband, a father and mother about their son, etc.

I have elected to spend my final days at MGH, close to my doctors who have treated me so well throughout this terrible disease.  I always knew this day would one day come, just never knew when or how fast.  But I've been prepared.

For some time I've come to terms with my illness and what it would one day bring.  There's a certain amount of pride and dignity I carry with no regrets:  I grew up in supportive family that never struggled with wants or needs; I was given and took advantage of every educational obstacle I could handle; I successfully launched myself into a great career; and I found my beautiful soulmate and angel to be my wife and start a family and life.

Autumn and I are at the top of our game: beautiful family (especially Benson who has become somewhat of a local celebrity); supportive parents, siblings, aunts and uncles; promising career paths; and financially stable without wants or needs.  It all makes me so happy.  I couldn't ask for more.  I couldn't be more proud.

And so there you have it!  Ever since I started straight catheterizing myself I switched to big boy pull up underwear (really just for cleanup and sanitation reasons); however today I was down-classed to traditional diapers so I didn't want to sit on this blog posting too long.  People have been pouring in with visits and calls, which are all encouraged, no need to ask, even just for a handshake or a snug hug.

I'm not sure if this is my last posting but if it is I want to thank everyone who has helped me along the way, everyone who has become inspired to make a difference, and everyone who has changed their own lives to better take advantage of life's little opportunities and tiny miracles.  It's not a goodbye but more of a see you later.  It's truly been an honor and a privilege.

I just ask in return that everyone keeps on fighting to find a cure.  Continue fundraising and continue to "breathe in hope, breathe out love."

118 comments:

  1. I love you so very much my little brother.

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  2. Jeff you and an inspiration!
    Zvi D

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  3. You are truly an inspiration to us all. We love you and your family very much. Love, Patti & Jude (and all the McKeevers)

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  4. Jeff, what to say except how much we love you and how brave you are. to the end - which isn't here yet - you have your perspective, your fight, your heart and soul, your humor and your realism. i know you are surrounded by your family, your friends, your wonderful wife and also by those of us far away who hold you in our thoughts and hug you from a distance. When you're ready, go in peace. You have made much more than your mark in this life on every one of us and more. See you later.
    Love, Julie

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  5. Jeff: You have continued to be a source of strength for everyone who reads this blog and you continue to touch so many lives in a positive way. We know your family and friends will never stop fighting to find a cure. Josh and I continue to think about you and your family each and everyday.
    Much love, Devin and Josh

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  6. Jeff -

    What can I say, brother? Throughout the last year, you've continually amazed me with your levity and bravery in the face of something that, for many of us, would be the source of great consternation and fear. You say that it's been an honor and a privilege - well it certainly has. I am proud to be able to call you my friend. Always remember what a difference you've made in the lives of others. Love you, buddy.

    Jordan

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  7. Jeff,
    When I saw this on Facebook, I couldn't believe it. I remember you always having a smile on your face and being sweet to your sisters. I haven't seen you in years but I remember staying at your house a lot. One of the last times I was there you came in and asked me to edit your letters to send to colleges. Of course they would want to accept you, who wouldn't? :)
    You, your family and friends are in my prayers and will continue to be so. Your life has been important and you have had a lasting, positive influence!
    Love,
    Cherrie (Mrs.Kilby)

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  8. Jeff, I've been diligently following your journey, first with hope and now with sorrow. Although I've known your family for years (Hebrew school carpool with Kim, bookclub with Mom, my stinkin' back with Dad) I really didn't get to know you until you showed up at my house several years ago to interview me and Barry about an automatic feeder for cats that you were trying to develop. We immediately fell in love with you. Your intelligence, kindness, irreverent sense of humor, and of course your boyish good looks made you absolutely irresistible. You immediately became one of our "kids" and we were thrilled and flattered when you traveled back to Dallas for Jordan and Misty's wedding.
    Jeff, I don't know what's waiting for all of us out there, but if you can, hang out with Barry. He will take care of you. Please know how much you are loved and respected, and know that we will be here for your family. I regret that I never got to meet Autumn. She must be very special if you chose her. Have an good journey, my beautiful friend.
    With much love,
    Michelle

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  9. Jeff
    Hoping you feel all the love surrounding you and being sent your way. Wishing you peace.
    Mimi & Barry

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  10. Jeff --
    We love you and Autumn. It has been a privilege to have you in our family! Marc loved getting to know you during his trips out west, and I feel I have learned so much about you via this blog. Between your cancer, Rose's, Jaeger;s and mine, our kids have vowed to keep on the fight and always Breathe in Hope, Breathe in Love. You have been in our prayers and we will never forget you. Autumn truly found a wonderful man! Thank you for being you. We love you - always.
    See you later --
    Your Sarasota Fan Club
    (Alli, Marc, Spencer and Claire -- Jaeger -woof- too!)

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  11. Anna and Patrick DoctorJune 5, 2011 at 9:20 AM

    We love you and Autumn, Even thow we only met once at your wedding I got to know you reading your blog and keeping up with your Big C blog.We truly got blessed to have you in our family. God bless you for your courage and stength.
    Love the Hikin family Barry, Ruby,Irving, Sarah, Anna and my new family the Doctor family my husband Patrick Doctor Sr.
    ((((HUGS))))

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  12. Karen Bookatz is my first cousin and I have been following your blog. You are such an inspiration. You have a wonderful wife and loving family. You have fought such a brave fight. Your blog has brought me to tears many times, but I have been uplifted by your positive attitude.
    Breathe in Hope and Breathe in Love always!
    Michelle Bookatz Falk

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  13. Hi Jeff,
    Jason and I will never forget your big music debut at the crazy burro. You are in our hearts always and forever.
    Jason and Heather Reilly
    (formerly Jason Demers and Heather Henning)

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  14. Jeff, I am always keeping up with your blog and have found you to be such an inspiration. You carry yourself with such strength, humor and grace. I am truly inspired by you and I am so happy you are surrounded by all of the love from your family and friends. We will all continue to Breathe In Hope and Breathe out Love. Love, Jaime Cohen (and all of the Cohen family)

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  15. Jeff-

    You are truly a remarkable person and I am forever inspired by you - in so many ways. Thank you for sharing with me your beautiful mantra - Breathe in Hope, Breathe out love - It is just one of the many lessons you and your family have taught me, that I will carry with me always.

    I am sending you a big hug today - can you feel it? I can!

    We love you so very much and wish you peace.
    Sheri and Josh (and the entire Rakusin family... and Twig)

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  16. Jeff,

    It has been an absolute honor and privilege to have been your friend. Your courage in fighting this disease has truly inspired me, and I am sure hundreds or thousands of others. Your blog as brought many of us on this difficult journey with you, and as shown us all that you are a one of a kind person with a heart of gold. You are a wonderful friend, and I look forward to seeing you again in this life of the next.

    Mike Prosser

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  17. Jeff-

    Love you buddy. It's been said above, but you are truly inspiring. You have managed to affect everyone's life, in what takes most people a life time. I am thinking of you, autumn, and your entire family.

    Much Love,

    Derek and Kate

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  18. Jennifer ProsserJune 5, 2011 at 10:20 AM

    Jeff (and Autumn),
    It is an understatement to say that you have been brave and inspiring. Your blog has been one of the most honest pieces of documentation of raw human emotion that I have ever read. Reading it is a small glimpse and testament to the person you are. You have approached your battle with strength, humility, and grace armed with support, education, and a sense of humor. I am honored to have met you. I will never forget the day in Big Bear that you took me out skiing and encouraged Autumn and I try slopes that we were scared to attempt! I hoped to get to see you when Mike and I are up in the area. We will be there in 11 days so if it is meant to be, we will see you soon! If not, from the words of my favorite Irish blessing “until we meet again my friend, may God hold you in the palm of his hand.”

    Jennifer Prosser

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  19. Jeff,
    I am sorry to say I never officially had a chance to meet you, but between reading your blogs and knowing your Mom so well, I can now say I know Jeff Guyer the man and can say I learned from you. During this very long but also short journey , I am not sure if you realize how many others you have inspired, humored and enlightened. I don't know how many people can say that. You are very blessed to have your family surrounding you with love, as they are blessed having you to hold them up.
    With a very heavy heart, I want to say to you, "later"
    Janet Behringer

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  20. Jeff you and Autumn have showed all of us what courage and strength is.. Thank you for those great lessons we love you and your family. We will continue to honor or your wishes for a cure and never forget what we have learn from you guys. We love you Peggy Bill Adam

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  21. Jeff,
    You are such an amazing and special person. I think about you and Autumn a lot and continue to send love and peace and positive vibes to you and your family. I too am very proud of you and all your accomplishments, including one that you forgot: your early discovery of trendy Korean fro yo! Thanks for introducing me to Yogurt World and, more importantly, for being such a great, fun, funny, caring, unique, inspirational and incredible friend and person.

    Lots of love,
    Golda

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  22. sending you and your family love... Your blogs have been so inspiring and have touched me in so many ways. Thanks for sharing your fight with everyone and sending you well wishes and peace.
    Seema Bhatt

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  23. Jeff, Autumn and well, the whole family,

    It was wonderful getting to spend a few minutes with you all yesterday and getting to say a some things I don't usually have the opportunity to say to my patients and their families. I truly believe that if love could cure cancer, yours would have been long gone by now. I have never met such an amazing family, each one without knowing it has taught me something about being a parent, a sister and a wife. I meant what I said; being your nurse, getting to know you and Autumn, your family, I count it as one of the great blessings in my life. Thank you for allowing me to share in your life and for teaching me to "Breathe in Hope and Breathe out Love.". Thanks most of all for teaching me how to spell Jeffrey :) Your handprint will always be on my heart. I will see you again!

    -Amanda V

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  24. I remember this time in dallas when the both of us went out "late night" looking for mischief and we sure as heck got it. Taking flags from the sonic and another place which ill keep between the two of us, and sneaking drinks. But my point is that its one of a handful of memories that I have to cherish you by. I could not wish for a better cousin, friend and in ways, a brother. Ill have you in my heart forever, I look forward to the day when we next meet and you can tell me some more wonderful stories and teach me about the latest greatest computer gadget.
    Love you Jeff and Autumn, I will always "Breathe in Hope, Breathe out Love".

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  25. Dear Jeff,
    It is you who has become the inspiration to the rest of us. Christy and I are grateful your life has touched us. It is an honor to know you all these years, and it will continue to be so well into the future. With much love, honor, and great respect, Christy and Larry Spiegel

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  26. Jeff - You are truly the most remarkable, most courageous and most inspiring person we have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Your grace and strength in the face of so many unfathomable struggles is unbelievable and so very inspiring.

    You have touched us both in so many ways, and reminded us to truly appreciate all that is around us - and in particular our friends and family that love us and that we love.

    We will carry you and your message in our hearts and in our souls for the rest of our lives, because you are one of the rare, beautiful people in life who have such strength of character and such an incredible heart. And you are someone that reminds all of us of how life is supposed to be lived.

    Thank you for your strength, your example and for reminding all of us what really matters in life. And know that you and your family will remain in our thoughts and prayers now and forever.

    Love, Regina and Josh Goldberg

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  27. Dearest Jeff,
    You may be the most amazing person I know. You have carried yourself through this horrific ordeal with grace and strength.
    I am so lucky to be in your life. You are a perfect example of what a person should be.
    You are blessed with so many friends and they are all better people because of you.
    With love,
    Elaine

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  28. Dearest Jeff,

    Many beautiful words and thoughts have been posted here. This blog Is all about us loving you and admiring you. I am so happy to have met you when you were little and taking you to school! I am so happy to have had tequila shots with you and Sharon when you grew up.

    You will always be a huge part of us.

    Lina

    May the road rise up to meet you.
    May the wind be always at your back.
    May the sun shine warm upon your face;
    the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
    may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

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  29. Jeff- As so many others have said, you are truly an amazing person and an inspiration to others. I have followed your blog from the beginning of your illness, and each time I read one of your posts, I was truly amazed at your strength and determination to fight. You shared very personal and painful moments with us, you made me laugh with your wonderful sense of humor, and you made me realize that we can't take anything for granted. Life truly is too short. I feel very blessed to have known you, and I feel fortunate to be able to work with your dad. You already know what a wonderful and loving family you have. I won't say goodbye, because I know I will see you again someday. Bless you, Autumn, your family, and Benson, too. Love and Hugs- Melanie Goldberg

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  30. Jeff, I have told you many times over the past year how much I love you and respect you and now I'm telling you again that you will be in my heart and my mind every second of every day that I live. That your positive influence on so many people gives you the best karma, that you could be a man of 95 years for all the wonderful things you've accomplished and for all the love you've produced, and inspired even in the hardest hearts. XXXXX00000XXXX

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  31. Jeff, what an example you have been to many others in the way you have shared and handled your fight with the big C. May your God be with you and your loving family and friends as you continue your fight and eventually meet you Maker. The grace of God be with you all. We will never forget the way you have fought and shared with all of us. Go peacefully and we all hope see you later! HOPE - MERCY - LOVE....the greatest being LOVE.
    Tom & Annie Franklin

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  32. Jeffrey,

    Words don't come easy at this difficult time. You have fought the brave fight with class, humor, and dignity, inspiring all who know you, and many who don't. Since your early childhood, our families have shared many wonderful times together, most recently at your wedding weekend. We are so sorry that we cannot be with you now in person to wrap you in our hugs, but please know that we pray constantly for your comfort and peace. We know that your family and friends have cherished memories of your warm smile and quick wit. May God grant you Shalom, peace. We love you.

    Lynn and Jay (and all the Staubs)

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  33. Jeff,
    Your blog has been inspiring and your strength through this journey has left an impression on everyone. I am so honored that I got to know you through your sister Lindsay. Your memory will always be a blessing to your family and friends.

    Love,
    Andrea Whitman Steiger

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  34. I love you so much! You are the strongest person I know.

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  35. Jeff

    I have been following your blog throughout your journey and I have been thinking about you all the time. Your strength and positive attitude is so inspiring and you have forever touched my life. My love goes out to you and your family.

    Love always,
    Shauna Roth Milstein

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  36. Jeff i dont know if you remember me but we went to camp walden together for many years. I have been following your blog and am truly amazed at your courage, strength, and love you share for your family and wife. You have changed my outlook and perspective on life for the better. I wanted you to know all the girls at walden always had big crushes on u and thought u were so hadsome. Your family and wife will be in my heart and prayers. Know u have impacted so many for the better. U r so loved and so lucky to have that.
    Love

    Lori silverstein mor

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  37. Jeff,

    You are leaving a legacy behind. You've inspired me to stop rushing and notice things...to be grateful and to be strong. I have been thinking of you so much these past few days. I love that Boston has been beautiful for you.

    In your honor, I've decided to change the name of my specialty meal. From now on it will be called J. Guyer's Ass-Kicking Tortilla Soup, and we'll think of you every time we slurp.

    So long for now. And please know that I'll take good care of your big sister.

    Love and light,
    Erica

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  38. Dear Jeff,

    Heather Kapson is one of my colleagues from graduate school, and it was through her Facebook page that I began following your blog. Although I have never met you, I am certain that I am one of innumerable strangers whose lives and hearts you've touched in sharing your story. While I've always tried to support cancer research in whatever modest way I could, I knew very little about sarcoma. With everything in your being, and with your whole (superhuman-sized) heart, you've educated countless people about this underfunded disease. While I've gleaned from your blog that you're probably not a fan of proselytizing (of the religious variety, at least), you have undoubtedly converted throngs of people into sarcoma advocates. You've certainly converted me! Through this blog and through everything that you've been and everything that you've accomplished, your impact on the world is incalculable. You've set into motion a ripple effect which will be echoed generation after generation through the vehicles of passion and love. Each individual who has sampled from your kind, funny, determined, and courageous spirit will, in turn, pay that forward in their everyday lives. Each person who benefits from acts that you've inspired will, without having ever known you, be influenced for the better, and will go on to perpetuate your spirit. In this way, your impact on society will not have been merely profound, but will be endless.

    With utmost gratitude and respect, I wish peace upon you and your beautiful soul.

    Sincerely,
    Kristin Bianchi

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  39. No need to tell you to be strong Jeff.
    Love,
    Dan Archabal

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  40. Uncle Gene misses you terribly. My three dogs wanted to meet you and Benson and also to see Autumn. I prayed for a miracle for your speedy recovery. I still have hope. "Breathe in Hope, Breathe out Love". I love you and Autumn.
    P.S. I taught my dogs to fetch paper plates in the air. Poodle was the only one to retrieve. The other dogs chewed them up. I am sure Benson would do better.
    Love Uncle Gene

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  41. Jeff, you are inspirational, amazing, and talented. I read all your blogs and looked forward to the next one that you are cured. I love you and Autumn and wish that I had the opportunity to spend time with you both. Also, I am thankful for the honor to have enjoyed your wedding weekend where I got to know you both personal and up close.
    Hedy

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  42. Jeff,

    You are such an inspiration to all. My thoughts and love go out to you and your family.

    Michelle Poliak Tunis

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  43. Jeff,
    You are such an inspiration to my wife and I. We have been diligently following your blog and you have taught us so much as you have shared your continuing battle.
    We haven't met, but I have known your family especially your dad whom I have been fortunate to work with and you are so truly blessed with a wonderfully strong and supportive family.
    May the LORD bless you and Autumn and continue to keep you close. DBD

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  44. Jeff,

    I have been continuously inspired by your optimism, your honesty, your wit, and the tremendous love that is so present in your family. It is clear you have touched many, many lives in such an important way. Needless to say, we are keeping your entire family in our thoughts during this most difficult time.

    Lisa Rakusin Goldberg

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  45. Jeff,

    So many people love you. You are right to be proud; look how rich you are in the currency that matters: friendship and love. We will talk about you and think of you and remember you and learn from your example. Shalom.

    Sarah Price

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  46. I am a university professor and cancer researcher whose partner was diagnosed with metastatic myxoid liposarcoma recently and that's how I came across your blog. We have never met.

    With your blog alone you have contributed more to humanity than most people ever have or will.

    In admiration...Jeremy Smith.

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  47. Thank you for making the world a more beautiful place, Jeff. Reading your blog has made such an impact on my life and I truly thank you for that. You are an inspiration to us all! I will forever be on the lookout for those zebras...

    Lauren Cooper

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  48. Jeff,

    I'm embarrassed that words are failing me now when they've come so easily to you over the past year in the face of such personal adversity.  Your willingness to share the intimate details of your struggle against such an unfair disease taught me and others so many important lessons, principally to cherish life's precious moments - and to fight like hell through its most difficult ones.  Count me among those who will live their lives just a little bit differently because of you.  

    May you find comfort on the next step of your journey.  Much love and all the respect in the world.

    Brandon Staub

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  49. I am so sad I missed sharing some time in Boston and meeting Autumn.
    I laugh out loud thinking about Mr. Kelly and "Doctah Guyah, would you wake up if I put this pencil in youh eye?"
    For all the cruelties and inequities, there are such funny things in life. Sarcoma is the most cruel. And yet you share this humorous and heartfelt blog with us. I feel honored to be reading it and to have known you even just a little.
    Much love,
    Chafen Watkins Hart

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  50. Jeff,

    I heard about your fight with cancer about 2 months ago. The day I found out, I came home from work and read your blog from the start and have continued reading it following your updates. I can only hope that in the future if faced with any adversity or hardship that I carry myself with the dignity, grace and humor that you have. You truly are a special person. Thank you for teaching/reminding me how precious life is. I wish you much peace and will be keeping you and your wonderful family in my thoughts and prayers.

    Tara Millis

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  51. Jeff- While college is long behind us, you always made me laugh man. Now during this time especially, thinking of you and wishing you much peace and comfort.

    Alex

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  52. Jeff, we only met once at a party in Dallas (and the details of that night are pretty fuzzy, though I recall an '80s theme and lots of monster ballads), but I remember thinking after our brief conversation that you were one of the good ones - the kind the girls wanted to date and the guys wanted to be. So, thanks for being you. Sending positive vibes to you and your family now and always.

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  53. Dear Jeff,

    I am a friend of Kim's - I think we only met a couple of times. I have been following your blog and just wanted you to know how, like others, I have been inspired by you. Your valiant fight, your candor, and your humor in the most unimaginable circumstances has taught me a great deal. You have also reminded me how important it is to make the most of this one life we are given. Thank you.

    I wish I could find the words to fully express how I am feeling. Please know that my thoughts are with you and your wonderful, adoring family at this most difficult time. Wishing each of you peace.

    Breathing in hope... breathing out love,
    Brooke Hersh-Thompson

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  54. Your words have been incredibly powerful and will forever impact my life. You will be forever missed. Hug my Dad for me, and we will meet again some day. I wish you peace.

    Shalom,
    Becca Litt Bishop

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  55. Jeff,

    I've been following along since your first visit to MGH. Your strength throughout this last year has been inspiring. Thank you for sharing your journey with us all - you've set a standard for which we should all strive, and shown us what is truely important.

    Thinking of you and your family, Stacey Carter

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  56. Jeff,

    Your story has captured the attention of me, those close to me and apparently many others whom I've never met. Your life has been such an amazing journey and you've seemingly handled all of its ups and downs with such poise. Thank you for being such an inspiration to so many...you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  57. My favorite brother, there are absolutely no words to describe what this past year has brought to all of us and especially you. You know how much I hate that you have had to face this horrible disease. After reading all of these blog entries, I see how you have touched so many lives - not just your friends and our family, but strangers from all over the world. You have been the bravest soul throughout your fight. I have always looked up to you and have always been so proud of your accomplishments. You are my wealth of information, you are my dorkus m'gorkus, your are my goofball, you are my hero. While at times I may have been a little jealous (okay a lot) of you and maybe sometimes thought you were a bit of a pest, you are the best brother anyone could ask for. I will miss you so very much every single day. I will always remember you and will always be with you. I know you said you will be looking down upon us and protecting us and that brings so much comfort to me. I will always tell Samantha and Jessica wonderful and silly stories about their Uncle Jeffy. We love you more than you know. Love, Big Sissy Kim (Dan, Samantha, and Jessica)

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  58. Jeff - your friendship has been more like brotherhood. I wish that we were closer in distance, and I am so thankful I got to spend a week with you. I will miss you so much - and can never express how much I appreciate every minute we spent together. Either riding bikes, chasing tail or researching the best choice in technology. You picked a beautiful and wonderful wife. You were blessed with the best family one could ever hope for. Your friends are so special and loyal, and all of this is a direct reflection of how wonderful of a person you are. You will always be remembered. I love you.

    Kevin

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  59. roughly this time last year my wife and I met you and your wife on a beautiful sunny day in the navy yard, having been introduced by a very good mutual friend david s.

    we feel very fortunate to have gotten to spend a little bit of time that day with you and your wife and have read with sadness and inspiration your struggle over the past year.

    our thoughts are with your family! thank you for being such an incredible human being!

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  60. Dear Jeff,

    We hold you in our hearts and send you hugs and kisses with admiration and respect.

    Our thoughts and prayers are with you and Autumn.

    Love,

    Eva and Enrique

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  61. Jeff
    You are my hero.
    Much love,
    Evvie

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  62. Jeff-
    We have never run in the same circle although we went to school together and therefore have many overlapping rings. But I felt the need to tell you how your blog has changed my life... Over the last year I have heard about your fight although nothing led me here until yesterday afternoon when I saw the remarkable amount of posts from Facebook friends just stating "breathe in hope, breathe out love." I was then directed to your blog... As I sat on the couch with my almost 5 month old son Levi right next to me I read from beginning to end the tales of your courageous fight... I held Levi's tiny hand the entire time sometimes holding tighter.... I have to admit at times my mind raced back and forth between feeling for you, for Autumn, for your parents... I questioned my role as a mother, as a wife, and at times as a friend. In less than 24 hours you have made me want to fight for each day of my life... You have made me want to live a better life.... be a better wife, to be a better mother, to be a better daughter, to love harder than I ever thought possible. Thank you for letting me in... Thank you for fighting with passion and dignity. And most of all thank you for your courageous vulnerablilty. My love to you and everyone in your circle.
    Breathe in hope, breathe out love!
    Amanda

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  63. Jeff, 61 comments so far!! I think it's only appropriate that with your amazing perseverance, poise, and eloquence, you have inspired so many people through this tumultuous journey which you have been so generous to share with all of us.

    I'm a little concerned you may overload the Blogger servers with the heavy traffic you're generating though... ;-)

    I will miss you very much but I will also remember you and keep your flame alive. You've been a brother as well as a best friend. Your name will continue to be spoken even after we all take our leave of this earth. And that is one of the truest tests of a man's worth.

    Love always, Zac

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  64. Jeff,
    I've been thinking about you a lot recently. You and Autumn are always going to be in my heart. Thank you for being in my life.
    Ian

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  65. Jeff –

    What can I say to you at this point other than, thank you. Thank you for being such an amazing human being and a true friend to me and so many others over the years. Thank you for inspiring so many to lead a better life and focus on the things that truly matter. Thank you for the countless hours of support and friendship you have given me over the years. My heart overflows with love for you and I will forever cherish the many memories that I have of you and our time together as friends and family. I wish you so much love and peace, both to you and to Autumn. I will miss you more than I know how to express but I know that you will always be with me and all of us – smiling and making each of our lives better, forever. I love you my dear friend…always and until the end of time.

    Te quiero siempre, querido amigo –
    Linda

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  66. We don't know each other, but I found about your trials through my husband who works at Integra.

    We are going on a bike ride June 25th to raise money for cancer awareness. I've read your blog and I am humbled by your honesty, bravery, and matter-of-factedness.

    It's amazing how someone you've never met can be a blessing. Thank you.

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  67. Jeff,

    Thanks so much for posting this, this post specifically and the blog generally. It has been truly inspirational. I'm sorry to say that words are failing me now, but I wanted to let you know that I'm sending my love out to you now, and I hope you can feel it.

    Much love,

    Robbie Owen

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  68. Jeff,

    I don't even know you and I live across the country from you, so that should be a testament to you that you have indeed left your mark on the world and touched many, many lives. Go in peace, dear man; God Bless and comfort you in your final days; and God Bless and comfort your family. I pray that they will find great joy in the memories and celebration of your incredible life. Tammi in Dallas, TX

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  69. Jeff,
    You are brave beyond words. Safe travels and we'll see you soon.
    -Nick Schanbaum

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  70. Rachel MarkovitzJune 6, 2011 at 7:37 AM

    Jeff,

    You are a part of my favorite and most fun San Diego memories. I will always think of you and have a huge smile on my face. I truly admire your courage, will and determination. You have inspired so many people, touched so many hearts, and enhanced so many lives. I am so happy to have known such an incredible person.

    Love always,
    Rachel

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  71. Jeffrey,

    What a short time we all have here on this earth! For some it is shorter than for others.....but I believe we all have a purpose, a mission to accomplish while we are here.

    Yours seems to have been to highlight this journey we must all take someday. No matter the actual cause of the end of life, cancer, accident, other illness etc.... none of us get to escape the end of this earthly life.

    No one likes to think about or talk about this "end", but you have given all of us permission to do this, through your documented journey. And we should, think and talk about our "end", because then we can truly begin to live the BEST possible life God meant for us to live.

    You have left us an impeccable example of how to make the best out of a devastating situation. How to live each day, each day as if it were our last... to cherish every moment we have with what matters most.... the people we love and who love us.

    We will all remember your message ...Breathe in hope, Breathe out Love. And that is what is truly important ~ Love. Love, love, love LOVE!

    With love and respect,
    Mary Ferguson (Hodgson)

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  72. Jeff-

    We havent spoken in years, but I wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about you and remember the times we did spend together - esp you spilling a drink all over me at a party and your pottery wheel on your balcony! I have been following your blog since the beginning and donated to your cause.

    I wish you and your family peace and an easy transition into whatever lies ahead,

    Stacy Kaber

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  73. Dear Jeff,

    Your strength, resilience, bravery, optimism, and sense of humor throughout your fight has been inspiring to all who know you. We have all learned from you and admire you beyond words.

    My love and thoughts are with you and your family,
    Alison

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  74. Jeff -

    You were always one of my favorites. I looked forward to your daily visits, your smile could light up my office like no other. The little, blue candle you made for me your Junior year (Yes, I still have it proudly displayed in my office) will not only continue to remind me of your infectious positive attitude and your kind and generous heart but will also be a symbol to enjoy each moment and to never give up.

    The Towne Building was forever changed when you first stepped into these halls and your presence will always be felt.

    Sending you and your family all of my love.
    Colleen Becht

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  75. Jeff,

    I have continued to follow your blog over the past year and your courage, strength, honesty and humor have been so incredibly moving and inspiring. Clearly mine is not the only life that you have inadvertently touched and I want to thank you for sharing your story so openly. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers and I wish you the greatest amount of peace.

    Brooke Bancroft

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  76. Jeff:
    We've always felt that our children's friends were part of our extended family and you certainly are a part of that. We have been amazed at your maturity, intelligence and presence of mind in what has been an incredible fight for you and your family. You have fought that fight with dignity and grace, and we are very proud of you for having done that.
    You're a good man, husband, brother, and friend and that's why you have touched so many people. We are thinking of you and your famliy as your journey continues. We love you and know that we too, will see you later.
    Andy and Libby Lane

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  77. Dear Jeff,

    I met you only once; it was a few years back in San Diego. Your courageous fight against this terrible disease is a lesson for us all. It's a lesson in humility, strength, resolve, and grace. Thank you for so candidly sharing your journey over the past year. In doing so, you have, in a most poignant way, reminded us of the sanctity of life. The fact that I am proud to have simply shook your hand is a testament to all that you have accomplished in your short time here on Earth. It seems you had all the gifts known to man but length of years.

    I look forward to the day when we meet again. Breathe in hope. Breathe out love. We'll see you later, Jeff. .

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  78. Jeff -

    You don't know me but I am married to Braden Howell. I have only met you once in passing at the San Diego airport but I have followed you weekly since I heard about your diagnosis last year. Braden gave me your blog address and and I have kept up with you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Autumn, and your families. I am sure this is a tough time for you but I know your strength and courage will get you through this and now all you need are prayers.
    Please know that the Howell Family is thinking about you and will continue to wish you peace and comfort.

    Love - Braden, Rebecca, & Caleb Howell

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  79. Jeff,

    Philosophers, deep thinkers, and ordinary people spend a century trying to figure out what life is all about. Often times they pass away never having had their questions answered. Yet you seem to have mastered life, and have an amazing aura of peace given the unfair disease that life has sent you. I admired your spirit and genuine good nature at Greenhill. Even though we didn't run in the same circles, it was still abundantly clear back then what a genuine good person you were. However this past year, I and so many others have been able to get a precious deeper look into your soul. As you can see from everyone's comments, the amount we have collectively learned from you is simply immeasurable. I just wish the unfathomably strong will you demonstrate daily could have come under better circumstances. Jeff, in thirty years you have accomplished what so many of us wish to accomplish during our lifetimes - YOU HAVE MADE A PERMANENT DIFFERENCE IN THE LIVES OF OTHERS. With the utmost respect, Mark Wettreich. Greenhill '98

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  80. Jeff - you are truly an inspiration to EVERYONE, no matter what life situation they are coming from. Though we only met once in San Diego, I'm lucky to have had some "hang time" with my close sister-law's great friend. Sending lots of love and warmth to you, Autumn, and your family Jeff...- Nicki Mackoff

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  81. Jeff G - in as few words as possible: Amazing fighter. Thank you for making us all a part of your journey, we're much much better for it. Love you, thinking of you.

    Jeff Z

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  82. Dear Jeff,

    Although I never had the privilege of meeting you, I have seen the far reaching affects you have had on those around you. You are an extraordinary gentleman, who has fought valiantly and with such grace.
    Any person who can affect as wholly and as purposefully as you have, is truly extraordinary.
    My father speaks of you with such glowing praise and love, it can only mean that you are deserving of that, love and praise.
    You are an inspiration, a gift, to those who know you and those who don't and a tremendously beautiful, soulful man.
    May G-d bless you and comfort you.
    You have made this world a much better place and we are eternally grateful to you for that.
    Sending love, hope and warmth,
    Aida (Dubrawsky) Drizin

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  83. Jeff -

    I have kept you and your loved ones in my mind since first learning of your diagnosis. And, I will keep you in my thoughts always.

    You have shown such incredible grace and courage during this horrific time. You have been honest and funny and hopeful and dignified. And, you have taught us all to live our lives with a little more awareness, a little more kindness.

    Hope and Love,

    Della Sentilles

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  84. Jeff:

    “We never know how far reaching something we may think, say, or do today will affect the lives of millions tomorrow.”

    You have touched countless hearts and lives. Thank you for sharing your journey and leaving a timeless impression on my life.

    Peace and comfort.

    Bob Wertz

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  85. Jeff,

    Some of my favorite moments in College were the Sunday mornings of convalescence at the AE Pi house. There was a tried and true alchemic preparation that cured everything: turning David Spiegel's room into a low visibility hazard area, eating grotesque amounts of dim sum at Empress Pavillion, and making it back in time for a nap-inducing Cowboys game starring Troy Hambrick and Quincy Carter. I wish that same medicine would work now. Your star has always and will continue to shine brightly. Rest easy knowing that you led a life of consequence. Godspeed, my friend... you will be remembered fondly and missed immensely.

    Sincerely,
    Brian Small

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  86. Dear Jeff,

    What a beautiful job you have done. You have positively touched so many lives, and with such grace. Just look at this blog. It is simply amazing. YOU are amazing.

    I was talking to Lindsay last night about some of the different things she loves about you. One of those things was what a great teacher you are, as you had very recently shown her how to use her new tea infuser! The next thing she said summed it up very perfectly and left me speechless. "He is one of a kind." And THAT you are.

    Jeff, I promise to always be the best friend I can be to Lindsay.

    Breathe In Hope, Breathe Out Love

    Amelia

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  87. Jeff,
    I admire your strength and courage to have fought so long and so hard. You are truly an inspiration! I don't know many people who are as brave and strong as yourself and Autumn.
    Thinking of you guys from Canada,
    Bianca & Darren Plotkin

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  88. Dear Jeff,

    You are an inspiration to us all (as clearly demonstrated above). You've certainly inspired me to try to take advantage of life's little moments more. Thank you for who you are and for sharing your wisdom. You're grace, strength and forbearance are unparalleled. One of the most remarkable aspects of your fight is that you never seemed to lose your sense of humor. You'll always be the guy who even in his 20s wasn't afraid of spending his evening on the swings. My thoughts remain with you, your friends and family.

    Lots of love,

    Brooke Shawn

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  89. Jeff,
    Even though you know it already, I just want you to know what a great friend you have been to me. I cherish all of our ridiculous evenings in Dallas, being silly 20 somethings. Those are memories I always think back to with so much fondness. And every time I laugh at some of those nights, it's almost 95% assured that it was because of you. You have such a way of making people around you fall in complete admiration. It's a comfort to me to know that I have two very dear friends in Zac and Michelle because of you, and that you will always be my connection to them.

    I wish you and Autumn so much continued strength. I love you and will continue to cherish all of my wonderful times with you.

    Love,
    Sara Persky

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  90. Jeff,

    I know we haven't seen each other in many years, but I have followed your blog and thought of you and prayed for you many times this year. I have so many great memories of our time together at Greenhill. You put a smile on so many faces and were such an amazing friend to so many people. Even now, you somehow manage to have a perspective on all this that gives comfort to others. That's pretty astounding and a testament to how special and loved you are. I hope the coming days are filled with peace.

    See you later.
    Caitlin Talmadge

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  91. Jeff -

    I have never met you, but my wife and I know your sister and her husband (Kim and Dan) well. I used to work with Dan in Dallas and we spent time with both of them and their kids during our time there. We moved away in 2008, but we've been following your blog periodically over the past year. We just wanted to say how incredibly moving it has been reading your postings and wanted to wish you nothing but peace and comfort, and love to your family.

    Matt, Carney Anne, and Jackson

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  92. I have never met you, but your blog is more inspiring than anything I have ever read. Truly. You have left a lasting impact on your close family and friends, as well as strangers, like me, who happened to stumble upon this blog. Your ability to infuse humor and strength into a difficult situation is inspiring. Your legacy will live long and I can assure you that I will think about you whenever I encounter a hardship. I wish you MANY more happy moments in the days ahead with your loving family and friends.

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  93. Jeff,
    You have become a huge inspiration to me over the past year. The lessons I will take from you will take me through my life and I hope to teach these lessons to our children. Love, humor, strength, bravery... I have laughed and cried many times through the past year following your story. You've touched many lives.

    You, Autumn and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
    Lauren

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  94. Jeff,
    I began a graduate nursing school program at UT around the same time you were diagnosed and, around that time, I learned from my brother about your illness. I wanted to thank you for sharing your incredibly honest and brutal cancer journey with me. It has shed much light and guided a great deal of my care towards my patients stricken with cancer, themselves. It is because of your words that I understand how truly insurmountable the human spirit can be in the face of terrible odds. Thank you for being a wonderful teacher and an even better human being. My prayers are with you and your family.
    - Jessica Small

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  95. Jeffrey
    The world is taking you too early. As you drift off to sleep I wish you peace.  You have fought your hardest with strength, honor, dignity, insight and an amazing humor that only Jeffrey Guyer could ever possess.  I will forever miss my friend.  

    Reading these blogs makes me realize that I am not alone in feeling you and Autumn inspired me everyday.  Autumn is truly an angel here on earth and I thank you for bringing her into all of our lives.

    Even when we were little kids you were always an inspirational friend and motivational leader and  I knew I would have you in my life forever. The most amazing part of you is that you made everyone feel this way even if they only met you once.

    You have moved mountains and changed this world and you will forever live on in each of our hearts.

    Breathe in hope, Breathe out love.  You have fought your battle and we all love you.

    Love always and forever
    Mich B

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  96. Dearest Jeff,

    You are everybody's hero. The past year you've also been our teacher...you have taught us about candor, grace, perseverance, humility, and most of all LOVE.

    Its a fact that we all want to be more like you: enjoying life's precious moments, not "sweating the small stuff" and making sure we really don't take anything for granted.

    I am grateful I got to carpool with you and make jello shots in Seth Cobbel's kitchen with you (that was fun, wasn't it?!). I am lucky to have known you and have you as my friend. I will always remember you and you will be in my heart forever.

    I hope you are comfortable and not in pain, and that you know how much you are loved. Until we meet again....I wish you Shalom.

    Breathe in hope, breathe out love.

    Sharon & Eric Goldberg

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  97. Jeff,

    You are such an inspiration to us all. Stay strong, have faith and hope. You are a wonderful person, our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. You will forever be in our hearts. May G-d watch over you and keep you. Love Adam and Tammy Diamond

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  98. Jeff,

    I have such wonderful memories of the times we have spent together, seeing how happy you have made Autumn, and meeting your very warm family. Your strength and humor throughout this past year have been inspiring, and your story is a great reminder of how precious life is. I wish you peace and comfort and send big virtual hugs your way! You will be in my thoughts and prayers now and always.

    Love, Julia Weiner

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  99. Jeff,
    We recently learned of your illness and started reading your blog. We are so impressed by the courage and dignity you have shown throughout this ordeal and by the man you have become. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
    Richard and Yvonne Silver

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  100. Jeff,
    Thank you for sharing your story with such honesty - you are truly an inspiration and have touched so many lives, including mine, with your amazing spirit. You have such a strong, unique character and it is easy to see why so many others look up to you. We are all equally blessed and honored to have known you. I wish you peace and comfort - my prayers with with you and your family.


    Autumn,
    I have only met you once - briefly at an Alphatec event, but I wanted to let you know that you are amazing. Your strength and support are an inspiration to me, not only as a wife but as a person.

    Breathe in hope, breathe out love.

    Cheryl Severson

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  101. Jeff,
    I have heard of you and your fight with this disease from my mother and been following your blog and I want you to know you've been in my prayers. God has truely blessed you with a wonderful family that supports and loves you.
    You've been such an inspiration to me, even though I have never met you.

    Thank you Jeff for being such an inspiration :) God bless!

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  102. Jeff, thank you for your courage and strength in sharing your illness and fight against it. We have followed your story through the ups and downs. Thank you for your honesty. I remember going up Torrey Pines with you and your strength and encouragement helped me through it. Thank you for touching my life and the life of so many others. Sending love and prayers, Heather Habina

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  103. Dear Jeff,
    I don't even know you but your brave fight was mentioned by a friend. I wanted you to know how touched I've been by your story and by your journey. I wish you and your family peace during this difficult time. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  104. Josh HochschulerJune 6, 2011 at 5:53 PM

    Jeff:

    You are truly amazing and have touched my heart continuously. Thank you for being such a source of strength and inspiration. You will be missed. You should find eternal peace and happiness. May G-d bless you.

    Love, Josh H.

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  105. Jeff,
    It's been forever and I only just found out yesterday about all that you've been battling over this past year. I wrote you to your gmail last night, which I hope you are able to read, but just in case, please know I am thinking of you, Autumn and your family and hope you are comfortable. I know that you are surrounded by lots and lots of love.
    You may not have ever known just how much you touched my life as a kid during our days at walden, with your unapologetic individuality and your intense kindness and warmth, but you did, and in such a real – and lasting - way. There's something special about you, Jeff. Something so real and so kind… and even after all of these years, you're once again managing to teach me how to be a kinder, more grateful, more optimistic and more loving person... and it's clear i'm not the only one that thinks so. The outpouring of support on here is pretty remarkable, but it makes perfect sense. I love you and feel – and have always felt - lucky to have had you in my life.
    Love and a big hug,
    Jess Steiner

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  106. Jeff:

    I have read your blog weekly for the past year now and have been forever changed by your inspirational bravery, dignity, humor, and class. I could not have more respect for you and your strength! While reading your blog over the past year I have cried, laughed out loud, pondered why such bad things happen to such amazingly great people, and how to better live my own life, while always keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers every single day. You are truly an inspirational person that will live on forever in all of us - your hundreds of friends and supporters that will be forever better because Jeff Guyer was in their lives. Anyone who was fortunate enough to know you, or even of you from reading your blog, acknowledges the positive and everlasting mark you will have on this World and the next.

    Your Inspired Friend,

    Cory Brenner

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  107. I don't know how you find the courage to be so amazing. You are such an inspiration and incredible person. You will be so missed by all your friends and family. You have such an awesome family, they all remind me so much of my family and cousins. Sending my love and prayers to you, Autie, and the entire family. Xoxo

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  108. Jeff,
    From Israel in 1997 to U. Penn and onwards, you have been a wonderful friend that always brought a smile to my face. Your humility, strength and humor that you have fought with over the past year is an inspiration. Every time I want to sweat the small stuff, I slow down and Breathe in hope and breathe out love and feel better. I know I will see you sometime in the future.
    Much love,
    Rachel

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  109. Dear Jeff,

    While I only met you for a portion of your journey, you have forever impacted me as a person and a physician. It has been an honor to care for you and to get to know your family over these last few months. You have personified strength, encouraged laughter, and reminded me of the importance of family and friends. Because of you, I promise to always 'Breathe in Hope' and 'Breathe out Love'.

    To your family,
    Thank you for sharing your trust, your stories, and your love for Jeff with me. You are forever in my thoughts and prayers.

    Sincerely,
    Lorie Smith

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  110. I have one more thing to say, Jeffrey. I know you passed away this evening and I will miss you as long as I live because you were part of my life everyday for the past year. I hoped and hoped and prayed that a cure would be found that would save your life, your so valuable life. I'll feel your spirit urging me to live each moment as if it were my last, appreciating all the blessings that I have, just as you did throughout your struggle right up to the end. You were such an old soul, Jeffrey, and so wise. I love you.

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  111. Jeff,

    You were an amazing inspiration both before and during your illness. I will never forget what an amazing, warm, kind person you were.
    Love, Greg

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  112. Jeff

    You are a true inspiration and have shown amazing strength throughout this battle. I will always remember you as one of the finest engineers I ever had the pleasure to work with. Thank you for giving back so much and taking on everything thrown at you with humor intelligence and grace. Sending prayers your way! We love and admire you!
    Justin Wendi and Ethan

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  113. Regan Roth FitzgeraldJune 6, 2011 at 8:08 PM

    I have tried to write something at least 10 times but keep deleting it as it just does not seem right. I always believe "whats meant to be will be" and that everything happens for a reason" but this just isn't right. My heart goes out to the entire Guyer family. Find a little peace in knowing that you each contributed immensely to the amazing and courageous man that Jeff became.

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  114. Hi Jeff, I am Kati ( Matt and Jamie's little sister). I know we have never met, but I read your blog from the moment Matt sent me the link. Even though we have never met, you have made an impact on my life, and I want to say thank you. You are loved. You are courageous. You are inspirational. Your optimism is unremarkable and gives others strength where they lack it the most. Thinking of you and thanking you for your blog.
    - Kati Mogil

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  115. Jeff,we will miss you not only today but, always. You touched so many lifes, even those whom never had the privilege of knowing you. My life will forever be changed by you and you will continue to live on in me each and everyday. Thank you for all of the good that you brought to this world. I love you my sweet and brave cousin. For now, so long and see you later. Stephie, Corey and Marlee

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  116. Hy Jeff; I don't know you and you don't know me but just wanted to say you are an amazing person.
    Big snug hugs from kingdom of Morocco (Africa).

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  117. Jeff,

    The outpouring of emotion and love from all of the lives you have touched today was simply amazing, You were and will continue to be such an inspiration to us all. You will be in our thoughts and hearts forever. Autumn - thank you for being so strong and for being Jeff's angel. I know how hard this past year has been, and I know all of us are so grateful for all that you have done.

    Jeff, Thanks for being such a great friend. You will forever be missed. I love you buddy.

    -Michael

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  118. This is a beautiful blog posting. God is with you Jeff.

    Peace/Warm Regards:
    Jeremy Nerenberg
    jeremyunfiltered.blogspot.com

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