Monday, September 13, 2010

The Poop Heard Round the World

Warning: Please stop reading if you don't want to know!

They all say cancer doesn't kill you; it's the side effects of cancer and treatments that lead to your ultimate demise. For me this almost came in the form of a poo.

A side effect of chemotherapy is constipation and no matter how many pills or drinks I take to manage "the mush and the push," for me chemotherapy means a standstill of my bowel movements during my treatments. Thank g-d I'm on a three day chemotherapy schedule instead of a five day schedule!

Once I arrive home after a treatment, mind you I'm drinking Metamucil for hydration and eating Colace like they're tic-tacs, there's always the anticipating fear of confronting what I've made over the past week.

During round 4 I made a mean turd: hard as a rock, edges sharp as daggers and a girth that would make my father proud! As this demon passed through Master Sphincter he tore him right open (medical term: anal fissure).

So there you have it! This is why I haven't been retuning calls or emails. Combined with the inability to heal due to the chemotherapy knocking down my blood counts, I spent the majority of the weekend on the couch or in a sitz bath or applying a new ointment in hopes to relieve this extremely painful experience.

Finally today I got some relief and was able to go into the office!! It seems my blood counts are on their way up again and hopefully I can put this all behind me; no pun intended.


  1. Have you tried Fleet disposable enemas? Without providing too much detail all I will say is "they work."

  2. dude- this is hilarious and it appears something similar happens after surgery like i had.....absolutely painfull!

  3. Natural Calm Megnesium - its a drink that you mix from a powder. It tastes fine and your body needs it anyway. AND - unlike my experience with all the laxatives and fibers - it won't cause bloating, cramps and gas pains. It also softens everything so there is no way it causes the tearing you experienced. The stuff is awesome :) I hope it helps you too!

  4. There is a natural laxitive caller Swiss Kriss which is sold at Whole Foods. It was prescribed by my internist and it really does the trick!

  5. I draank prune juice il never do that again it worked but it was a mess

  6. Im on my first chemo feeling little tired .bones hurt. But find walking to stop the bone hurting problem