For the past couple days I've been avoiding my computer, ipad, blackberry, saving me the embarrassment of having to explain why there are specks of digested food stuck in the crevices of my various devices. More than anything (and I've been trying to pin this down for awhile now), I have felt nauseous during the days following chemotherapy.
I sit up in bed and get nauseous. I get up to go to the restroom and get nauseous. I go upstairs and get nauseous. I sit at the kitchen table and get nauseous. We walk outside and I get nauseous. Everything smells different and makes me nauseous: my breath, kisses from my wife, hugs from my family.
I spoke to my Aunt Rose who is on her 6th Round of chemotherapy. She told me, "You know what they say about getting old? This shit ain't easy." Aunt Rose is so strong! I wonder if chemotherapy is easier to go through when you're older. When you're older more people are dependent on you; whereas when you're younger, you're still dependent on others. Kill the queen bee and the entire hive dies; kill a worker bee and, well, life goes on.
For me I have my Autumn and hopes that my frozen sperm will one day grow into a beautiful family. I also have me my friends and family, who may not directly depend on me, do worry about me very much. These are my dependents that keep me going.