Wednesday, July 14, 2010

In Memory of William...

This afternoon I got really sad. I don't know what it was. I was looking at pictures around me of my Dad and I on a family vacation when I was in high school and a goofy "baseball card" picture of me when I was 10. I remember being so carefree with not a worry in the world. I couldn't stop crying.

I stopped working and painted a picture of Portland Headlight to clear my mind. I took Autumn on a trip there last spring for her 30th Birthday. We brought Benson and stayed in a little Bed and Breakfast in the historic district of Portland, Maine. We walked around the town and ate at the most amazing restaurant with the most succulent lobster and scallops.

When Autumn came home from work she told me someone crashed into our car parked right in front of our apartment.

Then while talking on the phone with the insurance company we got a call from Autumn's Mom that Jim (for all intents and purposes my father-in-law) found his son dead, blue on the floor of the bathroom. William was supposed to come to visit us this next weekend. His computer screen was filled with sightseeing activities in Boston.

It's the worst news; a father finding his son blue in a bathroom.

I don't know why I decided to paint a picture of Portland Headlight but when I look at the lighthouse it gives me hope. Just as when sailors lost at sea find a lighthouse after a long evening in the darkness, it reminds me that the end of this tumultuous journey is near and smoother waters are ahead. The lighthouse reminds me to keep on looking forward for that next beacon of hope because it's there, just off in the distance.

Breathe in Hope, Breathe out Love.


  1. "Breathe in hope, breathe out love". What Jeffrey is not telling anyone is that his sister Kim bought 100 blue rubber bracelets that has that saying on it and if anyone wants one in support of Jeffrey, please send me your address and I will put one in the mail to you. My email address is We are in this together and we are survivors! Shelly (and mom)

  2. Jeff, what you don't realize is that you ARE that beacon of hope and strength for those who are caught in the similar stormy seas but are not as strong as you. You my friend will weather the storm and come back to a design meeting arguing with me about the next cool gadget we are going to design together.


  3. Jeff - that painting is really good! I think you have a hidden talent. What heartbreaking news for Helen and Jim, I will be taking extra deep breaths of hope and breathing out lots of love for you, Autumn and both of your families.

  4. What a beautiful painting Jeffrey! I cried when I read your blog, thinking that you should not have to go through any of this. But then I realized that though these are very difficult days to get through, in the end you will be treated and healthy again. When I was going through treatment and sometimes angry that I had to go, that I had cancer, I looked around the cancer center waiting room and realized that I was in some sort of new society -- that the crowds in the waiting room were fighting cancer too. And I was now one of them. You are not fighting this disease alone, Jeff. And you will come through it, changed yes, but in many good ways too though it's hard to believe. We love you and you are in our thoughts every hour of every day.

  5. Jeff your painting is beautiful and i am sad for autumn and your family. But please keep blogging and let the beacon of hope stay glowing because you will get through this We-are hear for you and Autumn
    Just so you know when Bill goes to-sleep ever-night he says a prayer for you every-night. Be strong and were here-if you need us. The Amdurs

  6. you are so talented!!!!!!!!!!!! i think you found your calling!

  7. Hey Jeffrey, you've never met me before, but my family has been praying for you throughout this whole ordeal. Sometimes we'll never know why God puts obstacles in front of us, but continue to be optimistic and share your story because your words of hope are inspiring to all of us. Your (my) dad is one of the most optimistic persons I've ever met and that comes through in your words! Continue to get painting! TJ

  8. Love the painting Jeff...reminds me of the one you gave me from the lake weekend in good ol Gun Barrel City, Texas. Hope you shower more now then you did that weekend :)

    Missing you...hope you continue to get better and better!

    Love, Sara

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  10. Hey Jeff,

    I am a friend of Lindsay and the Parker family. I just hope that you will get well very soon. Will be praying for you. Keep a positive attitude and I hope to see you in the near future. Looking forward to be hanging out with you. You got a great family and friends that loves you and wishes you the best. Get well SOON!

    -Yong Park

  11. Amazing - YOU are truly amazing!!

  12. Jeffrey, you are a beautiful man! I got to spend part of the day with your dad today. It was good to see him and catch up. Sounds like you are getting the best care possible so let's expect success. I read a book a few years ago called "No Such thing as a bad day" by Hamilton Jordon as a survivor. I recall a passage where a lady said she imagined little Miss Pacman like gobblers in her system eating up all the bad cells - eventually she went into remission. I know it's not very scientific but it won't hurt to try it... hmmm... come to think of it maybe I can do that with my love handles too... I'll let you know how that works ;-) Hope today was a better day.